Cocaine Bear

In 1985 a 175-pound (79-kilogram) American black bear overdosed on cocaine. It all began when a drug lord named Andrew C. Thornton II was trafficking narcotics from Colombia into the United States. He dropped a load of 40 plastic containers of cocaine over Georgia’s Chattahoochee-Oconee National Forest. The cargo was too heavy for his light twin-engine plane. Thornton also evacuated and died soon after when his parachute failed to open. On December 23, authorities in Georgia discovered the body of a black bear that had eaten the stimulant. The total amount consumed was 75 pounds (34 kilograms), valued at 2 million dollars. Those are the facts, and this is his story.

Ok, so the film has taken some liberties. The animal did not kill anyone and died immediately after ingesting the drug. However, that would not make an exciting movie. This is a silly comedy mixed with severe gore. The screenwriters have fabricated a tale out of whole cloth. The bear goes on a rampage and ends up killing many people in gruesome ways. That’s it. The chronicle is half-baked.

Cocaine Bear is the chronicle of a beast that goes on a coke-fueled frenzy. She — yes, the mammal is female — has a craving for more of that addictive white powder. The bear will mercilessly kill any human in her sights. The narrative is inherently a comedy first, so you are invited to laugh, with horror being a close second. In that capacity, it unapologetically offers vivid grindhouse violence — a severed leg here, a decapitated head there. One poor soul is subject to a literal stomach churning where his intestines are ripped out of his abdomen. The simple idea is mined continuously to the point of exhaustion. I longed for a twist, plot development, or anything that might break up the monotony. The picture is a mere 95 minutes and still feels too long.

What “bear-ly” saves this B movie is a colorful cast. The starry ensemble includes Ray Liotta (Goodfellas) as a drug kingpin named Syd in one of his last performances. His underlings are his grief-stricken son, played by Alden Ehrenreich (Solo: A Star Wars Story), and O’Shea Jackson Jr (Straight Outta Compton) as Syd’s second-in-command. Keri Russell (TV’s Felicity) is a nurse and the mom of a young girl portrayed by Brooklynn Prince (The Florida Project). Christian Convery (TV’s Sweet Tooth) is memorable as her little friend. Margo Martindale (August: Osage County) is a park ranger who applies perfume to incur the affection of a wildlife inspector, played by Jesse Tyler Ferguson (TV’s Modern Family). Isiah Whitlock Jr. (Da 5 Bloods) is the policeman assigned to the case. Other actors depict teen ruffians, hikers, law enforcement, and ambulance workers. They all contribute.

Cocaine Bear is this generation’s Snakes on a Plane. It’s a passable time-filler — amusing in the moment and forgettable the next day. If the title is enough to make you chuckle, then see it. If not, steer clear. The saga will be “un-bear-able.”

02-23-23